I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
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He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
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They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
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