At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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