is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
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She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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