Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got so high we made milksteak
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize