Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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