You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
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I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize