i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
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I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
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Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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