The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
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the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
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I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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