Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
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She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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