my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize