Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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