a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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