there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize