i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize