Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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