I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
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Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
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He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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