My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
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I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just want to make out with him forever
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Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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