It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
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I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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