Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
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He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
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You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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