I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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