If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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