You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
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