OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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