I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
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