Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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