I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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