Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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