forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize