had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
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just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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