my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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