I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize