he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
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As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
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Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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