I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
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I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
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Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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