Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
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There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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