i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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