hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
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he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
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