I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
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Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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