and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
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Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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