Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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