i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
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I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
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Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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