You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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