I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize