We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she told me i tasted like america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize