they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize