so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I think people are normalizing furries
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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