Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
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I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
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Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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