accomplished twins. life is a go
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
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