it hurts more in the daytime
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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