Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
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I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
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You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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