im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
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